Naming Children

I think a good name for baby would be "Help Yourself".  At first it will seem weird, but when the kid grows up and starts working, he'll have a hell of a time keeping  people from stealing his food from the break room fridge.

Math

Nothing makes me feel better then when I hear someone make a small mathematical mistake.  I think "Wow, I am better then that person in every way possible."  Now some people may argue, hey shouldn't that read "better than" not "better then" I must be better than you in every way possible.  Whatever, it doesn't work with grammar.